How Kids Survive Aged 12 To 20
photo credit: ClevelandSGS
Way back in time, when my eldest niece was twelve years old, I bought her a book titled, “How Kids Survive Aged 12 To 20” and at the time wished that there had been such a publication when I was her age – I’d have been saved a lot of pain and confusion. How many more children and teenagers would be prevented from indulging in inappropriate behaviours – particularly pre-teen and early-teen sexual activity - if only they were informed about those intimate aspects of life that adults often find difficult to talk about openly – especially with their own children?
When I was a kid at school, there was no such thing as Sex Education, and I attended an all girls’ grammar school, and it had quite an old-fashioned approach to the all things pertaining to the physical body and sex.
“How Kids Survive Aged 12 To 20” doesn’t appear to be in print any longer, because I wasn’t able to find it when I searched online, but I hope that there’s a publication out there that’s similar and as informative. It covered topics like the development of the teenage body – both male and female, reproduction, menstruation, masturbation; it explained slang terms (often derogatory and confusing), like ‘rubbers’, ‘shagging’, ‘wanking’, ‘blow jobs’, ‘bum boys’ and ‘lesbos’ – if I’ve omitted anything, I’m sure you’re able to fill in the blanks! Children need to learn about life’s realities, so that they can cope, as they themselves are maturing. Also, it’s important to ensure that they don’t need to rely on the nonsense bandied about the school playground.
Having no children of my own, I’m not qualified to criticise parents who fail to educate their children - how could I know whether I’d have gotten it right with my own mini me, about whom I must decide what to disclose and when, and what isn’t deemed to yet be necessary in their young lives.
My sister has children - two daughters – and I cared for, and interacted with, them when they were growing up, but their parents had set the boundaries, and so guidelines were in place.
I’ve often wondered about the comprehension levels of kids watching TV programmes like The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, and whether they make any sense of some of the references. They must wonder why some gags are so funny to grown-ups, and if a child is old enough to be curious, that child is old enough to be informed.
A couple of days ago, I was reading an article about anorexic children as young as 5 years old! Kids are growing up faster and faster, and many are being damaged by the adult-targeted media surrounding them in their daily lives.
When I was a child just approaching my teens, I knew nothing… I mean NOTHING! I didn’t even know about menstruation until it happened to me. I was 11-years old and it was a school day - I was terrified!
No-one in my family, nor at school, had educated me about anything at all pertaining to our bodies, the body’s functions and stages of development, nor about menstruation, nor sexual reproduction, nor about the activity that occurs in between! Years later, when I discussed it with my mother, she told me that it hadn’t occurred to her to tell me anything at that point, because I was only 11-years old, and she thought there was still a couple of years to go before my body matured.
Through a child’s eyes, the only avenue open to me to learn about these things was direct experience, and I’m stopping here, as this is about as up close and personal as I want to get, but this is my opinion, and I believe I’ve earned the right to express it.
Did you survive a rocky road through adolescence?
Teach your children well… please.
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I found your post incredibly moving and insightful. It makes me see both sides of the sex education issue more clearly. Thank you for your bravery in sharing.
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Jammer Reply:
September 30th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
It wasn’t an easy decision to post this, but I created this blog as a salve for my psyche, as much as to provide a vehicle to share my thoughts and opinions. Issues, doncha know?
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My Mother was very old fashioned. I learned like you, when it happened to me.It was very scary stuff! I have educated my two oldest about the birds and the bees and all the changes there bodies are going through. They’re not even embarrassed to talk to me about it which I am so grateful for!
Denises last blog post..I’m so sick!!!!!!!
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Jammer Reply:
October 6th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Once I hit my teens, I became close to my sister, but prior to that we were always at loggerheads, so she wasn’t there with the big sister enlightenment til it was too late!
It sounds like you’re doing an exemplary job with your own sprogs! Good on yer.
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As a gay man bringing up a daughter, (whose mother had very little interest in)I knew nothing about women’s issues. When she got her period, I went out to the store and bought some tampons. We went down to the basement and read the instructions. Why in the world I took her down to the basement to talk to her about tampons I will never know. And I knew nothing about tampons so I was learning along with her. She’s 28 now and we laugh about it but it was very strange and awkward at the time. But I did it because I knew I had to. I only wish I had educated myself more about that situation BEFORE it happened.
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Jammer Reply:
October 11th, 2008 at 4:40 am
That’s a perspective I hadn’t considered - it must be so much more difficult for a man to explain these things to a daughter. It sounds like you’ve laid good foundations for communications that are now lasting into your daughter’s adult life.
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